Hold on to Your Hats

If there´s one thought impressed on outbounds during the various orientations it is this: "Exchange is a roller-coaster". I think I heard it from at least six different adults at Grand Rapids alone, and almost every rebound I talked to also shared it. I find it intruiging that we all cling to the EXACT same metaphor, so I am hoping to (in this shorter-than-usual post) expand on it a little bit. Because while this works for describing many parts of exchange, they are definitely some places where this stops funcioning.

Approximately fourteen months ago, my parents and I casually got in the back of the line. We had read some books, and it sounded like fun. Also, there was a huge crowd of teenagers who had just gotten off screaming how awesome it was. We didn´t make any commitments, just got in line: filled out the application, took the interviews and waited.

Then, once we found out I was allowed to go, we paid the first big chunk of my ticket. We knew this would be a really expensive ride, paid in increments, but by paying we made the commitment to follow through. Then the waiting began.

We waited in line for what seemed like forever. Every so often I was given directions on how to best enjoy it. Every couple months I received a bit of information on what it would be like. We kept paying and waiting and getting information and waiting, and suddenly I was at the front of the line. It was my turn to go next, and my parents hugged and kissed me and said goodbye and I was sitting there by myself.

And THAT is where the metaphor falls apart. Because, unlike a rollercoaster, I have no idea what will happen next. There is no pre-charted course for exchange. I can´t anticipate the dips or curves or loops. I couldn´t see what would happen before I strapped myself in, and now, though I have two months behind me, every day is still surprising and new and unpredictable.

Two months ago, I would have labeled this as “stressful”. Actually, some days I still feel like that, but I can now choose to view it more positively. I have approximately eight months and two weeks left to be here. I have no idea what will happen in that time, but I better make the most of them. I need to enjoy each day and live on a day to day basis. I can´t see the whole ride but one day is a manageable size chunk, and if I can do one day I can do the next, and so on.

Ok, in an effort to keep this blog from being “Attempts at Life Lessons from a Moderately Confused 16-year-old” I should probably stop musing about life now. What I am trying to say is: I don´t know what´s going to happen, but it´s ok. This is really hard. But that´s ok too.

LANGUAGE UPDATE:
Yesterday I went to a movie that was dubbed in Spanish (instead of subtitles), and I UNDERSTOOD it. Seriously, almost all of it. I can have days where I feel like I haven´t made any progress, but I can now have conversations, do homework, read for fun, answer the phone, give directions, and buy things in another language! So far my dreams have been pretty accurate; if they take place in Mexico I speak in Spanish, if they are at Conserve in English, at home dreams usually involve a confused/stressful mix of translating and not understanding each other….but anyway, I think Spanish dreams are a good sign.

I still have A TON to learn. I´m not trying to say I´m conversationally fluent, reading classics, and writing a novel, I have major grammar issues and every day I still have frustrations with my inability to say what I want or as much as I want. People ask me where I am from, and I try to figure out how strong my accent is. But I´ve made progress, and that´s all I can do, right?