More or Less

There aren’t tourists here. My city is equidistant from Mexico City and Cancun, so before I got here I thought that there would be a lot of traffic between the two. But honestly, how many people do you know who plan road trips across Southern Mexico? Exactly. So my life is devoid of white people with cameras, and I don´t hear much English.

I spent last weekend in Playa del Carmen. (It was awesome: I need another post for it) While I was there, I felt overwhelmed by the number of tourists I saw. Southern Accents! Sun block! Books in English! Children with Blonde hair! But what was weird was….I didn´t feel like I belonged in that group. It´s hard to explain….I KNOW that I am American, and there are times when I feel homesick, but I really felt more at home in my group exchange students, or with my Mexican family.

There was one moment when I was waiting in line to buy a bandana, and the lady behind me started talking. She was offering to give me her family´s extra sun block, because they were leaving. I thanked her, but said that I have enough and she should save it for their next trip. She sort of frowned, and repeated herself. I got concerned: I was just trying to be polite! So I repeated myself again. The second time I caught the problem: Spanish. I had no trouble understanding her English, but my mouth has been reprogrammed! This time I answered in English. She was relieved. The moment passed.

It has been a long time since I have spoken aloud in English. I have skyped with my family once since I got here, and I didn´t have problems communicating with them, but day to day: I only speak Spanish. But I WRITE in English (letters, emails, blogs, whatnot), and I´d say most of the time I still think in English. What results from this combo: A really weird accent.

I have all of the English in my head. I know the grammar. I know the vocab. But my mouth does NOT know how to say it. I think it started when I first introduced myself as Elena ON-dare-sone from Wee-SCOH-seen. The “soft” vowel sounds don´t really exist in Spanish, and so it´s REALLY awkward to slip in nasally English words, like say, Wisconsin. So instead I´m just lazy and say all of my English words like they do. Sometimes I feel guilty for contributing to their accents, but not guilty enough to change. I may not ever look Mexican, but I will sound like one or die trying .

Anyway, back to the playa. I was at the pool talking to this college kid from Oregon at one point. We had been talking for a solid ½ hour when it came up that I was from Wisconsin. He thought I was kidding. “You don´t sound American”. Ok….so what DO I sound like? I guess right now, my English is a weird combination of European accents, as that´s pretty much what I´ve been hearing from my fellow exchangers. I am an auditory learner, which right now means that I am a copy cat.

By the end of the weekend, I think I was pretty much “Back to normal”. There was A LOT of English that went on….but now I´m back at school, I´m back at home, I´m back in Spanish. No more English for me.

As far as my Spanish is coming….I´m getting there. I am still frustrated a lot, because there are so many things I WANT to say, but can´t. I end up making a lot of blunt declarations that would have made me cringe with embarrassment two months ago. Elaine in Mexico is not witty or sarcastic. Sometimes, I will sit with my friends for 10 minutes, listening to their conversation about last weekend before I remember that is socially acceptable to CONTRIBUTE to discussion.

In school, I found out that I received 56% on my first Bio Exam. While in the U.S. this would have crushed me….I actually don´t feel too bad about it here: If one month= 56%....just think how I´ll be doing by the end of the year! In other news, I made a big accomplishment last week, when I contributed to discussion WITHOUT being asked a question directly. The class was learning in Law that: “In the U.S. they have the death penalty for all of the crimes. If you do anything serious, you get the lethal injection. There are more second chances here in Mexico…….” Sometime you just have to raise your hand and be an ambassador, right?

SO now when people ask me if I speak Spanish, I have moved myself past the “I speak one little bit” phase. I now say “More or Less”. This is a perfect answer. I will probably be using it for the next nine months, although I hope to be securely on the “More” side when I return stateside. My return trip feels like it is an eternity away. I´m sure I have plenty of time left to thoroughly confuse myself before next July.